UnNews:Supreme Court justice redesigns robe

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3 June 2007

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Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, as she was before she fell in love with Judge Judy’s robe

WASHINGTON, DC - The justices of the United States Supreme Court, in cooperation with a team of fashion experts, have redesigned the traditional black robes that their predecessors have worn on the bench since the court first convened

The idea for the new robes was that of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. “I was watching Judge Judy,” Ginsburg told Unnews’ reporter, Lotta Lies, “and I was quite taken with her robe.” The popular television judge, known for her tendency to lecture the plaintiffs and the defendants in the cases that come before her, for her offbeat sense of humor, and for her “instant justice,” stitched a frilly lace collar to the neckline of her black robe, because, Judge Judy explained to the bored cameraman her avid audience, “I’m a girl judge.”

“Her reasoning, as always, was impeccable,” Ginsburg said, “and she made me realize that I, too, am a female, of sorts.”

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Ginsburg, in her Judge Judy knockoff

Ginsburg said she discussed the idea with Sandra Day O’Connor, who, although retired from the bench, remains, as a senior justice, a member of the federal judicial system and, as such, could be ordered to duty as a judge for the U. S. Circuit Court of Appeals or the U. S. District Court if she annoys Chief Justice John Roberts. “Although I vehemently disagree with her judicial opinions, I respect Sandy as an individual and fellow female,” Ginsburg said, “and I trust her judgment when it comes to fashion. She’s always dressed better than I do.”

O’Connor thought Ginsburg’s idea that the female justice’s robes be updated was sound and suggested that she contact the same team of fashion designers from whom O’Connor herself often seeks advice. “They’re the best,” she said.

Together, Ginsburg and her team of consultants came up with the new robe that Ginsburg began wearing yesterday. “I wanted something bright and festive, something pastel and gay,” she admitted, “that would match my personality and my sexual preference.” The result is a stunning lavender gown-like robe in pleated silk and satin with a large bow at the right side of the waist, matching silk pumps, and a complementary purse decorated with diamond chips. “My wife, Freida, tells me I look quite fetching,” she said.

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Judge Judy: the one who started it all

Not to be upstaged outdone by their female colleague, Roberts and the other male justices have “put their heads together,” Ginsburg stated, “to come up with a consensus as to what their new robes should look like. I understand Clarence [Thomas] said he still 'liked black' but was overruled by the others. Now, from what my aides tell me, the boys are leaning toward replacing the robs altogether and dressing in bell bottom jeans with flair shirts and orange wigs, or, in the alternative, wearing hospital scrubs 'to look like doctors.'”

Judge Judy is reportedly “overjoyed” to have inspired Ginsburg. “Maybe if her marriage to Frieda doesn’t work out, she will marry a real woman" she said wiggleing her hips suggestively. "She’s my heroine, after all, and one of the few women for whom I’d leave my husband. I must still admit that I find Cindy Sheehan hot.”

Ginsburg is said to have called Judge Judy’s statement “flattering,” but said she and Frieda are “as happy as a pair of lovebirds in a gilded cage.”

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