UnNews:Supermarkets invade Car Boot Sales, alongside Black Market
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Supermarkets invade Car Boot Sales, alongside Black Market
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, February 28, 2017, 09:53:UTC)(
27 July 2009
LEEDS, UK Among the summer sales, store discounts and BOGOF deals it appears that the popularity of Car Boot Sales is once again on the rise. The economic recession has meant that people are willing to oversee slight defects with products if it means getting them at a bargain price. Whereas in the 80’s and the early 90’s the success of boot sales had boomed, it seemed that the technological advances that the millennium brought with it were too much to resist and consequently boot sales became a dying breed.
Like eBay, many parents are drawn to boot sales in the hope of finding cheap birthday presents, unused exercise equipment and pirate DVDs; however whereas these items are usually sold by your everyday member of the public, there have been signs that some large well known superstore names have been setting up smaller stalls at various boot sales. Supermarkets such as Tesco have been spotted inconspicuously setting up stalls around these popular events, obviously hoping to catch the wandering gaze of the innocent buyer. Although the produce sold at these stalls is similar in price to those sold in-store, it appears that customers seem more at ease with buying broccoli when it is stored in a tupperware box in the back of a Vauxhall.
However, it seems that supermarkets aren't the only ones setting up base in the parking lots of football stadiums every Saturday morning. The Black Market, referring to the trading of items long discontinued by high street stores, has seemingly moved up the ranks from the back alleys of London and The Internet and have joined families and friends in selling bits and bobs for cheap prices to the public. For the past few weeks in Leeds there have been a number of stalls set up by shifty looking men in long brown coats and trilbies providing the public with a quick fix that they may not be able to purchase anywhere else. As this UnNews reporter approached one of these salesman he was greeted with a wink and a nod from the shady looking fellow behind the stall who beckoned him closer. Once it had been determined that this reporter was not in need of a lung, or in fact any other organ, we were able to have a brief chat, "Well you know mate, can’t really say much about this you know, don’t really want people knowing about what we do unless they’re really in need of our services. Gotta be careful with the coppers about, don’t want to give them the wrong idea," Although our brief conversation suggested a man who was extremely careful with who he presented his items to, his stall suggested differently. Separated into three sections the table presented the shopper with a selection of narcotics, a selection of firearms and a selection of pornographic DVDs; a cool box sat next to the table contained a number of livers and lungs and I was assured by the salesman that he had a number of Gucci watches hidden in his jacket.
Although one can find a wide range of products being sold by these gentlemen, some of the public disapprove of them. "It just feels kind of weird," one browser said to this reporter, "I kind of wish they would stick to the alleys and junkyards so I could go back to pretending they don’t exist; it's much easier to think of my children as safe when you can just tell yourself that paedophiles and people like that aren't real". There are however a number of supporters who believe that this new addition to boot sales can only be a good thing, Herbert Jonkovech told us that "it’s brilliant that these items are being brought to the public; many of those who need a new lung or a shotgun often don’t know where to go, or who to speak to, in order to buy such things and by bringing the products to the people it means that issues are going to be resolved quicker than ever. It's great!"
Although in a way it seems as though Boot Sales are nearing the end of a recycling era where families simply sold the clothes and toys they no longer wanted, it can be said that by moving onto other aspects of reusable products, such as second hand organs, Boot Sales are simply evolving.