UnNews:Sunburned Man Files Lawsuit Against the Sun
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Sunburned Man Files Lawsuit Against the Sun
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, May 27, 2015, 12:42 (UTC)
25 June 2008
SAN ONOFRE, California-- Derrick Forrest, 22, of San Onofre, California, filed a lawsuit against the sun today. The charges were for damaging skin purposely without any mercy. The amount sued for is 2 million dollars.
"He was purposely giving me skin cnacer, I mean, like, what would you do? Live with it?" said Derrick in a interveiw with 60 Minutes. Derrick, spending the day at a San Onofre beach, claims to have applied 50 spf sunscreen, but evidence proves that he applied 2 spf. He still goes on with his lawsuit, hoping that the case will go his way. His Lawyer, Ms. Amy Winehouse, Had been diagnosed with Emphysema, forcing Derrick to be his own lawyer.
As the court hearing began a lawyer came to defend the sun from the charges. "The sun has done nothing wrong here. He sunburns people everyday and this on eperson should not get the suns money. The sun just burns things." says lawyer Johnny Appleseed.
Throughout the case the jury leaned towards the sun. and as the case ended, the jury selected the sun as innocent. Derrick, raged by their decision, went on a fury-fueled tantrum. He was taken into custody. All charges were dropped.