UnNews:Sun, 2.5 Billion Plaintiffs, Sue Gore
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Sun, 2.5 Billion Plaintiffs, Sue Gore
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, July 30, 2016, 20:46:UTC)(
20 February 2010
UnNews: The following is a continuation of recent UnNews on the Sun.
LAS VEGAS, Nevada. Today, the Sun god, Ravi, represented by acclaimed denier, Lord Christopher Monckton, surprised the entire world by legally suing former President-for-a-day, Al Gore, for Defamation of Character.
Also joining the class action suit are 30,000 scientists, 29,999 of whom have PhDs, led by the President of The Weather Channel. The suit contends the evidence is overwhelming that The Sun, not the Chinese and Indians, is, in fact, the sole cause of global warming, aka, the “holiday periods”, which come and go naturally since the beginning of creation; such as the last Medieval Warming Period, which was most certainly not caused by burning fossil fuels.
Mohan Talwa, representing the government and the people of India, told UnNews, “Aarey!!! For Yugas the Sun is getting hotter and cooler, much like the days and nights come in succession. What fool would blame an Indian for the Sun rising in the morning? What black-heart will claim responsibility for the coming of the night? It is simply bad science and quite unfair for humans to have the unprecedented arrogance to think that WE play any part in the natural solar cycles?”
Wong Lo, legal representative for the government and peoples of China, explained the case, “Confucius say, ‘What gives off heat IS hot!’ Therefore the Sun, by giving off heat, is the guilty party! Why blame we Chinese?”
Ravi, the Sun god, had nothing to say, but really it’s just because he’s so hot that we can’t get near enough to hear what he is saying, Lord Monckton informed UnNews.
Lord Monckton, speaking on behalf of the Sun god, told UnNews, “Bloody hell, man! Can’t you see this is the biggest fraud, and also the largest Class-action suit ever filed anywhere in the world! Al Gore should be ashamed. I mean, if I had 1.3 billion people from China, and 1.15 billion Indians, along with all of us lot, that makes a total around two and a half BILLION plaintiffs, all against one man, Al Gore. If I was Gore I would be bloody mortified!” – Lord Monckton concluded.
UnNews will keep you unPosted as the case unFolds.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|