UnNews:Summer surprises the playing children
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Summer surprises the playing children
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, February 23, 2017, 00:20:UTC)(
3 August 2011
Russia - As the Winter turned to Summer on 1. June, thousands of people all over the world celebrated the return of Summer. (Except at England where is no Summer.) While in New York people with good ears could have heared jolly "YAY!" and "OMG! It`s Summer! Summer is here, everybody, Summer is back!"-screams, few russians drowned at the lakes all over Russia. Their parents are, of course, horrified;
Our dear Трофим was only skating at the lake at the backyard, until summer suddenly came here. It was very cloudy day, so we couldn`t seen the sun rising and I was cooking dinner anyway. I heard him screaming something about Summer, then AAAAAAAA!, and then he drowned., says mrs. Валентина from Moscow. Poor Трофим was only fiftynine years old when he died tragically. Same happened to 32-years old Тарас who was fishing at Chernobyl. Altough he didn`t actually drown, he breathed nuclear air and falled to to the lake. Almost the same as drowning. Almost.
Вадим Seregin, the head, eyes and nose of the Russian Emergency Ministry, is also very worried; there was 40.25038736 percent more drowned people than last year. He is also very relieved, that there was 40.25038736 percent less suicides than last year. He also telled us that he has a very nice summer cottage at Spain.
This wasn`t the the only place where people was surprised by Summer, that sneaky little bastard. California, U.S.A. was another victim of these massdrownings. While Police and the Firefighters just watched, an adult man drowned at the San Fransico Bay. He was surfing at the ice (a grazy Californian winter-tradition), until the ice slowly broke and the man disappeared into the water. Cops noted to the angry relatives that there was no way to rescue him, because he was "armed and dangerous". Yes indeed, the man had arms, but still somehow, many people, including the wife of that man, were disappointed to the cops. I can`t understand why. They did nothing bad, they did nothing.