UnNews:Suicide bomber accidentally kills 16 other suicide bombers
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Suicide bomber accidentally kills 16 other suicide bombers
Straight talk, from straight faces
Saturday, August 19, 2017, 07:34:UTC)(
9 September 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
KABUL, Afghanistan - In the most brazen attack yet on Kabul's heavily guarded center, a car bomber rammed into a Toyota sedan outside the U.S. Embassy on Friday, killing 16 other suicide bombers who were preparing to attack the embassy. It was the Afghan capital's deadliest suicide attack since the 2001 toppling of the Taliban.
A purported Taliban spokesman, Qari Yousaf Ahmadi, apologized to other terrorists and their families for the attack, according to the privately run Pajhwok Afghan News Agency. Ahmadi's exact ties to the Taliban leadership are unclear, although just being their "spokeman" makes him a total fucktard.
The morning blast spewed body parts and pieces of suicide bombers across a major road and into trees that were set ablaze by the explosion — part of the worst spate of violence in Afghanistan since the collapse of the hard-line Islamic regime.
The attack shattered what had been a typically peaceful Muslim sabbath in the war-ravaged capital and revealed the lingering vulnerability of not only foreign troops, but Afghan civilians, including terrorists themselves, to terrorist attacks almost five years after a pro-American government was installed. Attacks in central Kabul have been rare in comparison to areas on the edge of the city and in the country's south.
Some 20,000 NATO soldiers and a similar number of U.S. forces are trying to crush the emboldened Taliban insurgency, mainly in southern Afghanistan. Taliban holdouts have been turning to Iraqi-style tactics — including increasing numbers of suicide bombings — to try derail the government of President Hamid Karzai.
In a statement, the Afghan president said "Fuck this terrorist and all the other terrorists he killed. Jesus, I'm getting sick of all these bombings. Sometimes I feel like going ape shit and doing a little bombing of my own. See how they like it."