UnNews:Stupidest lawsuit in history filed

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Stupidest lawsuit in history filed

Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

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Monday, February 19, 2018, 13:17:59 (UTC)

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25 May 2007

ST. LOUIS -- Josh Hancock's father recently filed a lawsuit over the death of the St. Louis Cardnals relief pitcher, even though the accident was totally Hancock's fault.

The junior Hancock, who drunkenly slammed his car into a flatbed tow truck, died as a result of his own stupidity. This has apparently not stopped the dead idiot's family from trying to cast blame elsewhere from where it clearly and glaringly belongs.

The suit names as defendants the restaurant where Hancock got soused, the man who had a breakdown on the highway who necessitated the tow truck, the driver of the tow truck, the family of Henry Ford for inventing the assembly line, the state for making the road, God, Satan, the Bobbsey twins, Mr. Softee, and theob's penis.

Missing from the list of defendants is Josh Hancock, who caused his own death by driving while drunk and being generally a dumbass. One could say that he wasn't quite stupid enough to fly a plane into a building for no reason like some other baseball player did, but he was almost close enough.

Drunken drivers hailed the lawsuit as if it is successful, perhaps they will be able to blame their drunken driving on the victims, suing the families of the people they ran over for the damage to their custom chrome grilles and such.

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