UnNews:Study questions existence of the Sun
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|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
11 July 2007
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SMELLS OFF, England -- A NEW SCIENTIFIC STUDY concludes that the Sun has absolutely no impact on the world's weather, whatsoever.
It shows that weather is more than likely due to magic from wizards who "live in a series of magic towers a bit like in Lord of the Rings". It also shows that modern temperatures are not determined by the Sun, as has been thought since the dawn of time, but from giant dragons that live "within the hollow bowels of the Earth".
Writing in the Royal Society's Journal Proceedings A, the researchers express major doubts that the Sun exists at all. "This should settle the debate," said Mike Returd from the UK's Rutherford-Appleton Laboratory, who carried out the new analysis. "We think the Sun might just be a painting hung in the sky by 'the powers that be,' so to speak."
Dr Returd initiated the study partially in response to the TV show Teletubbies, which controversially hypohesized that the face of a laughing baby lived in the fiery depths of our nearest Star. "I found that the hypothesis bought forward by this so called 'High Brow' program were laughable at best and deliberately misleading at worst", Returd stated.
"When we looked deeper into the role of the Sun in our lives it became clear that its very existence was in question," he told Unnews. "The only credible explanation left was that our weather is instigated by wizards and ancient dragons. We have yet to hear a valid counter augument to this theory.".
When asked what scientific evidence he could privide which proves the non-existance of the Sun Dr Returd claimed that, "my pet dog ate it this morning."