UnNews:Study: Fact not as strange as fiction

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This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Straight talk, from straight faces

22 December 2006

Stranger than fiction

Fact of fiction? A Batboy/Superman clone wins the Tour De France riding a velociraptor.

BALTIMORE, Maryland-- In a stunning report, researchers have discovered that the old adage “fact is stranger than fiction” is complete bullshit. Today, Professor Pablo Sheridan of the University of Baltimore announced the study’s results saying, “A lot of fiction is much more fucked up than facts could ever could be.” He then related an allegedly fictional story about Richard Gere and a box of gerbils to illustrate his point.

Outside experts were taken aback by Sheridan’s findings. “I knew fiction could be strange, but I thought facts like placenta eating had all that made up shit trumped,” said Psychologist Fez Dispenser in a telephone interview regarding the new study. The crowd in attendance seemed equally skeptical of Sheridan's findings.

During the press conference, reporters challenged Sheridan with strange facts, shouting “what about recorded instances of incestuous bestiality?” and “how do you account for monkeys drinking their own urine?” and “what about David Guest?”

Sheridan pounded his fist on the table to silence the room before responding. “You just don’t get it do you? You think those facts are strange, you haven’t even begun to read the fucked up shit that’s made up out there about Chuck Norris,” he shouted, shaking with rage and fear. “You wouldn’t be talking right now if you knew about the stories people put out there about Nicola Tesla getting pregnant with Larry Flint’s baby and climbing a magic beanstalk to White Castle for free burger Fridays.”

On his way out the door, Sheridan muttered something about UnReality but before he could clarify those statements a mob of vicious Baltimore criminals strangled the frazzled professor to death with his own tie and stole his shoes to burn for warmth.

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