UnNews:Students fault slow police response to Swift bomb

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Students fault slow police response to Swift bomb

Where man always bites dog

UnNews Logo Potato
Tuesday, March 20, 2018, 10:10:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

14 November 2014

James boardjames 9742

Fenn exhibiting signs of PTSD after the incident

NORFOLK, Virginia -- Students at Old Dominion University here charged city police with slow response to a harassment complaint.

The students were taking a selfie when they were photobombed by American pop singing sensation Taylor Swift. Student Mikey Fenn said Swift jumped into the photo of the students without their consent. "Who does she think she is?" Fenn asked later. "She just came out of nowhere and BAM! Right into our photo. She does have, like, millions of dollars, and billions of fans, but what gives?"

HT taylor swift sk 141110 16x9 992

Swift planning revenge on Fenn for tarnishing her reputation

"University is a place for learning, for opening one's mind, free of these annoying distractions. Students should not have to deal with an anti-intellectual figure filling their minds with vapid poppycock. That is a job for tenured professionals. The police should have simply apprehended the trespasser. After all, this is not Detroit, and they actually get paid. They get paid to protect, and I get paid to think. We should just do our jobs, I think."
Professor of Philosophy Dr. Rick Platon, Ph.D.

Fenn told police there was a trespasser. When Fenn described her as the famous pop star, Fenn said police regarded his call as frivolous or even a prank. Fellow student Brianna Smith begged police to come, as they feared for their safety when Swift lingered and signed autographs. Smith forced boyfriend Randall MacDonald to shelter at the Taco Bell he was dining at out of concern for his safety. Though six crunchy tacos and two 7-level burritos passed before police arrived, they escorted Swift off campus for lack of a guest permit, but did not arrest her.

When Fenn and Smith called for prosecution, police refused, suggesting they instead merely retake the selfie in Swift's absence. The students are picketing the police department and calling for tighter measures on campus against trespassing. However, University president John Broderick had no comment, leaving it unclear whether the University will take action to tighten security.

Parent/activist Mary Bowen proposed redefining "trespassing" to include only those without power and influence, as she is contemplating a picket line of her own at the Administration Building.

edit Sources

Personal tools