UnNews:Strauss-Kahn claimed to have prophylactic immunity
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||UnFair and UnBalanced|
17 June 2011
NEW YORK CITY -- Disgraced IMF puppet Dominique Strauss-Kahn denied being exposed to the AIDS virus and claimed prophylactic immunity after he was arrested for unprotected sexual assault in New York, official documents reveal.
Transcripts released by prosecutors in New York reveal the details of the day Mr. Strauss-Kahn was arrested. The transcripts reveal how hotel staff and police investigators managed to trick Mr. Strauss-Kahn to return to the hotel.
As has previously been reported, Mr. Strauss-Kahn phoned the Sofitel Hotel about 15:30 local time (1930 GMT) from Apex Pharmacy, saying he had forgotten his IMF ATM card.
While police listened in, the hotel promised to return it to him when he came to collect it. Instead, police arrested him for having unprotected sex with an HIV positive ho – a charge which he denied.
At the police station, detectives ordered Mr. Strauss-Kahn to empty his pockets, the documents show. He produced a set of keys, a wallet, and eleven loose condoms.
"Is that necessary?" he asked when an officer took the condoms away from him.
"Yes," said Detective Satish Jain of the New York Port Authority Police in broken English.
Mr. Strauss-Kahn then asserted he had prophylactic immunity, and told police investigators to speak to the pharmacy that sold him condoms on two occasions, both before and after the alleged “unprotected sex,” a crime that, in Strauss-Kahn’s case, is punishable by either a 14 trillion dollar fine or a thousand years in prison.
Fifteen minutes later, Mr. Strauss-Kahn asked, "Do I need a lawyer?"
"Yes," Detective Miguel Rivera replied to the Straus-Kahn's question in broken English.
Another officer, Sgt. Leroy Washington, asked Straus-Kahn, "was you usin’ some kinda condom?"
"Of course I was using one," Mr. Strauss-Kahn said. "I just want to know if I need a lawyer?" he asked again.
"Yes," Sgt. Washington responded in broken English.
Two hours later Mr. Strauss-Kahn consulted with a lawyer, Mr. Moshe Cohen, who told him in broken English to “shut, the fuck, up!”
The following morning, police asked Mr. Strauss-Kahn if he wanted something to eat.
"I would like some eggs," he said.
The following evening, Mr. Strauss-Kahn asked for a sandwich.
After a half an hour Mr. Straus-Kahn passed urine. He then eased nature, after which he wiped his arse.