UnNews:Strange activity between Area 50 and Area 52 reported
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Strange activity between Area 50 and Area 52 reported
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, May 29, 2016, 02:05:UTC)(
20 January 2007
AREA 49, Classified - Sightings and strange lights were seen in the sky over the Nevada desert this weekend by nearby small-town citizens between the military installations of Area 50 and Area 52. The lights, according to one local conspirator, "Were disc shaped. Like a compact disc, not like a floppy. It was definitely alien aircraft." When asked how he distinguished alien aircraft from regular aircraft, the eyewitness claimed, "...Well it's got aliens in it."
Other respectable locals have come forward, claiming to be eyewitnesses to the event as well. However, some of their accounts stories conflict with each other. One witness claims the saucers flew down and started zapping people with a large beam of light, while another suggests that the saucer used its smoke contrails to write words and phrases in the sky, one of them being, "Y helo thar buttsecks?" Regardless, it's evident that something very strange happened, and this this small community of hicks and drunks was there to witness it.
Perhaps the most accepted explanation of this incident comes from the military, more specifically, Lieutenant Dover of the United States Army. "This place between Area 50 and Area 52, an 'Area 51' if I may, doesn't exist," stated Dover, "Do you believe everything you see? Do you always assume that just because something appears to be a military complex, that it is?"
The local sheriff offers another explanation, stating, "Well, you see, our town of about 80 people doesn't have much electricity. Some of our citizens don't even know about airplanes, so it's understandable that a light in the sky might alarm them. A few years ago, during the last meteor shower, the entire town went into complete chaos. The town population combined probably has an IQ of about 90."
Despite this, most of the town remains adamant that what they saw was extraterrestrial. The few who are apathetic, such as Shirlena, the local restaurant waitress, was an example. "I juz' really don't curr," she explained, "but 'dem aleens bettah not cawz no ruckus round hur or I gives 'em two swats wit' a fryin pan upside theyez cranium, comin here cawzin ruckus like dat."