UnNews:Stoners condemn North Korean nuclear tests
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Stoners condemn North Korean nuclear tests
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, July 20, 2017, 14:58:UTC)(
9 October 2006
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TACOMA, WA- "Wow, man. That is so fucked up," announced Tacoma stoner Mark Moore at an IHOP restaurant this morning. "Those guys need to take a chill pill. Like, yeah." he continued, much to the agreement of friends Tim Davis and Rob Majors, who nodded profusely.
"It's, like," elaborated Davis, "it's not like they even need nucular weapons. I mean, dude, my brother Chad knows this chick from South Korea, and he said she was all like 'no way!'". "Yeah, man" added Majors. The stoned discussion is a direct reaction to this morning's nuclear tests, which were carried out by North Korea. The tests, condemned by countries worldwide, seem to have struck a nerve with America's stoned masses.
"Man!" grunted Moore as friendly IHOP waitress Katherine Hockheimer brought the stoners their pancakes. "I am so pissed off. These Korean dudes have totally given me these bad vibes, man. They need to get totally baked." The stoned discussion went on into the morning, until, at 11am, the stoned trio departed to Moore's house, where they planned to watch Team America: World Police. "Dude, they must've been so stoned when they made that movie," remarked Davis, "Later, man."
- Chad Davis "Stoners outraged at North Korean technological advances". Stoned Gazette, October 9, 2006