UnNews:Stolen Swimming Pool
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Stolen Swimming Pool
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, May 30, 2016, 03:00:UTC)(
27 July 2007
Valdivia awoke to find her family's, 10-foot diameter swimming pool gone from her back yard Wednesday. The theft left a giant hole in the ground where the concrete pool, with its faux slate surround, pool pump, filter and other accessories was installed a mere six months previously.
Valdivia told The Record of Bergen County the theft must have occurred between 1 a.m., when her husband went to bed, and 5 a.m., when she had her orgasm.
She's amazed someone could steal the pool that quickly and just wanted to know "what the heck they did with the water," she said.
Valdivia told The Herald News of Passaic County that she was surprised the thieves chose the pool to steal.
"We have two grills, chairs, umbrellas, garden gnomes, a sea kayak and a space shuttle. They're much easier to take," she told the paper, but did expand on the reasons for illegally operating two grills.
Paterson police told The Herald News the theft was apparently planned. "On our regular patrols we noticed the front end loader, the giant crane and the time machine" an an anonymous spokesperson said. "However, we thought that the Valdivia family were planning a barbecue"
"Someone took a little time and effort thinking about this," Lt. Anthony Traina of the Paterson Police Department said. "This wasn't just walking by and snatching a bike. That tells us something, too." He did not elaborate.