Stolen €150 mil jeweled wine bottle found empty in dump

Democracy Dies with Dignity

UnNews Logo Potato
Monday, December 10, 2018, 13:43:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

6 January 2018


The discarded evidence of ancient wine theft

SOHO, England — An ancient wine bottle dating back to the Cambrian Period, 450 million years ago, currently appraised at €150,000,000 and said to contain the world’s most expensive wine, has been recovered empty in a dumpster near Soho, London. While the stolen bottle is intact the valuable contents had, presumably, been chugged by drunks.

The one-of-a-kind bottle of wine - or what’s not left of it - made from 6 kg of gold studded with 180 near priceless large rubies and a huge emerald was reported stolen from the Tower of London Tuesday night.

The jeweled bottle, famous for its appearance in the blockbuster flop “Finding Nemo 2: Electric Boogaloo”, was recovered intact Friday, according to unnamed sources . The bottle is now in the possession of the police after a homeless body, also referred to by laymen as "hobo's" found it in an alley dump site in SoDoSoPa, the upscale district of Park County, Colorado.

British police thanked the moronic wino who located and returned it, only to be arrested, and they said the theft case was now closed, adding it had no further comment at this time on the whereabouts of the priceless well-matured contents. . Sir Brian de Burge, curator of England’s Crown Jewels told us that he was devastated at losing the wine, but was glad the bottle was found and expects to be reunited with it on Monday. “I will be sleeping with it under my pillow again,” he smirked.

Although heartbroken that all the precious alcohol was consumed, Sir Brian says he is at least consoled that the ornate container was not damaged. “The bottle is still something,” he said. “But without the ancient pristine wine inside, the bottle is little more than mere shell of an artifact; a joke with out a punch line,” he lamented. “Now we have lost our only organic proof that gaudy Winos existed long before Adam and Eve.”




Sources Edit