UnNews:Stock market follows natural cycle

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Stock market follows natural cycle

Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

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Saturday, March 17, 2018, 06:34:59 (UTC)

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13 December 2011


"How many photos are you going to take? We have to leave soon".

New York, New York -- Earlier today stock market analysts were bored as shares across the world fell only slightly, a few days or so after they rose slightly. This trend, which has been exhibited weekly since the end of the great depression, is inspiring neutrality from financial commentators and Wall Street investors.

"I didn't buy or sell today. My kid has a school thing I have to go to and I think the cat is dying," says an anonymous white-collar worker on the street, one of the few who stopped when we asked for an interview.

In order to get the "common man's" perspective on this issue we headed to the suburbs. Upon entering a housing development in Long Island, we encountered one young family packing up to sell their house. After rebuffing our first few offers, Andrea Henderson finally spoke to us. "We're just moving because Allan got a really good job in Pennsylvania. We paid off our mortgage years ago. Why? Is there something wrong with the economy?"

As they drove off, the family had no idea that they had left their trunk open. We didn't say anything; there's very little you can do in times of crisis like these.

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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.
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