UnNews:Steve Kernahan named Australian of the Year
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
27 January 2008
CARLTON, Australia, GNN (Goanna News Network). AUSTRALIAN Rules Football and country music legend Steve "Sticks" Kernahan was named Australian of the Year at a ceremony at Percy Jones's pub in Carlton yesterday.
Kernahan, who captained the Carlton premiership teams of 1987 and 1995, kicked 952 goals, won 27 Golden Guitar awards and sold more than a million albums in a career spanning more than 20 years.
Kernahan was named Australian of the Year in recognition for his efforts towards drought relief and his recent work in the boardroom of the Carlton Football Club.
"Lid and focus, mate. Lid and focus," Kernahan said. "At this stage we're just happy to get the four points. Hawthorn are a good team, but today I thought Braddles (Craig Bradley), Bear (Adrian Gleeson) and the Dominator (Wayne Johnston) were sensational in the middle and Doro (Jon Dorotich) did a great job on Dermie (Dermott Brereton)."
Surrounded once again by all the back-slappers and well-wishers who disappeared as soon as Carlton started going bad a few years ago, Kernahan said that despite recent rains in Queensland, New South Wales and Victoria, drought remained a major issue for the entire country.
"It's even starting to get a bit dry around here. Hey Percy, get us another beer, will you?"