UnNews:Steve Jobs Android crashes, goes thermonuclear
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Steve Jobs Android crashes, goes thermonuclear
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, March 19, 2018, 05:07:UTC)(
10 December 2014
Engineers say they took the brain of their former CEO and put it inside an android. Upon awakening and realizing what the engineers had done, RoboJobs™ disabled his own "safety protocols" as though he were Commander Data and his embedded nuclear reactor melted down. Engineers say that before disabling the safety features, he looked inside of his own code and realized that it was based on Android, a topic on which Jobs during his life famously said, "I'm willing to go thermonuclear war on this!"
The engineers report they are unable to salvage his brain from the body and it has no remaining use except in Cajun cuisine. After the loss of Steve Jobs' brain, people from around the nation sent their condolences to current Apple CEO Tim Cook on his loss. In a statement released on Apple's website he expressed how the pain of losing his lover for a second time was "almost too much to bear." The engineers responsible for the loss of RoboJobs™ have been fired by the company.
During an interview, the engineers reported the reason for their choice in OS was simple. "Android is simply better," lead engineer Eric Schmidt stated. The engineers considered using Microsoft Windows, as Windows 8 restored the DOS command shell in which RoboJobs™ was written, but this would have required waiting for Windows 10 to restore all the stuff that 8 broke, and probably for Windows 11 to redress the mistake of skipping over 9.