UnNews:Steve Irwin to Return in New Show
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Steve Irwin to Return in New Show
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, May 26, 2015, 04:25 (UTC)
29 March 2007
Australian necromancers have brought back to life the late Steve Irwin so he may appear in a new wildlife show, to be screened in the Autumn. However The new show will feature the foolhardy antipodean in a new "more cautious" role.
Titled "Carefull now, They Might Bite!" Irwin will conspicuously avoid dangerous animals in an effort to educate the world that, "Proffering your testicles to the worlds most poisonous snake is probably not a good idea."
Irwin was his typical old self last night, "Strewth! this is going to be GREAT! I'm REALLY excited about giving those crocs a wide berth. Christ alight they're bloody dangerous bastards aint they!"
When asked what sort of creatures will feature in his new show Irwin was untypically reticent, "well, nothing with teeth, stingers, spikes or, wow! anything that might hurt me. The producers asked me to do a show on parrots but mate, them beaks can have your bloody eye out! I've already been speared to death once by a Stingray, I aint having an eye pecked out by a bloody parrot!"
"Kangaroos are out too I'm afraid mate, they can take an eye out with one of those bloody great kicks. I did think about doing a show about Koala bears but their claws are pretty f##king sharp let me tell you! One nearly had my eye out!"
As the interview progressed it emerged that pretty much every animal in the world was deemed too dangerous a risk for Steve Irwin in his new show, "especially them bloody great turtles mate, Christ, those shells can have an eye out!"
A show spokesman admitted that they were struggling to find material for the new series, "we are currently discussing doing one about rabbits, but Mr Irwin is worried that their nibbly teeth could easily have an eye out. Still, we are optimistic the show will be a raving success."
"Carefull now, They Might Bite!" is due to premiere in September 2007.