UnNews:Stephen Elop to present "Trojan's Den"

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Stephen Elop to present "Trojan's Den"

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18 June 2015


Got a good tech idea? Lead presenter Stephen Elop promises Trojans Den will change your life.

REDMOND, Washington -- Stephen Elop, the former Microsoft Executive has found a new role as anchor and judge in the latest investment reality show Trojan's Den. Slated to be aired towards the end of the summer, UnNews caught up with Mr. Elop to discuss the new series.

UN: So Mr. Elop, tell us all about Trojan's Den.

SE: Trojan's Den is a fabulous new show where desperate founders of say, a failing dot-com, communications or technology giant, have two minutes to convince a panel of "Trojans" that a Secret Investor should aquire their business or technology. After the presentation, the Trojans take turns asking questions to establish the feasibility and benefiet of such a transaction. If the product looks good, the trap doors open and the winner falls into a champagne-fueled world of very expensive third-party investments/loans. Repayments quickly leave them so financially crippled, they beg to be released from the product, or agree to a lesser "employee" status — such as van-driver — in exchange for having their debt written off by the Secret Investor, as a kind gesture of goodwill.

UN: Sounds complicated. Word right now is of your past life looking remarkably like that of a Microsoft trojan for the Nokia takeover. Is this new role not similar?

SE: Well, yes and no. How did you see through me, by the way?

UN: I was an Enigma code-breaker in Bletchley Park during the war.

SE: Oh, how interesting, you'd get on well with one or two of our Trojans! Look, Dragon's Den is a bunch of loud, self-centered TV investors relying on desperation to force people to bring their products to the studio in return for two minutes of fame. Each series strikes a shameless, fully salaried, weekly, one hour prime-time promotion opportunity for these investors, advantaging them far more than any punter. Trojan's Den is more about getting as much beneficial technology into the labs and on to the streets as quickly as possible. We have a very exciting panel of Trojans, including tech specialist Daniel B Smith, Assistant Secretary of State for Intelligence and Research, John O. Brennan from the CIA, and Admiral Michael S. Rogers from the U.S. Navy representing the NSA, on behalf of the Obama Administration.

UN: Wow, they are heavy hitters. You'd think they'd have better things to do than to be involved with a reality TV show. What about those going into the Den? I hear you are already shooting the first contestants.

SE: Yes, in fact some of the first lot have been shot already, sorry, has been shot already. Not wanting to give too much away, in the first series we have CEO John S Chen, offering a quick and discreet way to hack their new Blackberry 10 range, in exchange for a product refresh. We have Andrew Harrison from the ailing Carphone Warehouse, claiming one of his pets' names can reveal all their customers online transactions, and is prepared to share it to feed his superyacht habit. We are also allowing "amaters" to demonstrate their products. In fact, the very first success of the series was a young man who managed to write some code that discreetly activates mobile phone cameras and microphones, and streams the data to er, his parents, or wherever.

UN: Great, good for him! How is he enjoying the champagne lifestyle?

SE: At this moment, we're not too sure. He hasn't been seen since he took his dog for a walk a few days ago, so it looks like a donation. Very thoughtful, these youngsters. The Trojans were animated about his code you know; they were all "in" saying it could be more significant than Samsung's Swiftkey hack, it is a great show.

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