UnNews:Steelers: We Won
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22 August 2006
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"In every altercation with Hezbollah, Israel, Russia and Hell, our players had the upper hand. Hezbollah, Israeli, Russian and Hellian leaders went into hiding and are all lying. We will continue to hunt them down anytime, anywhere". In addition, Cowher promised that his country would advance efforts to smash the crap out of everybody even further over the next several years.
According to the head coach, there were also shortcom ings in managing the situation that will needed to be examined. "We won't hide or sweep anything under the rug, but we won't be unnecessarily harsh. We don't have the patience to wallow in arguments".
He called for the Israeli, Hezbollah, Russian and Hell's governments to fall to their knees and beg mercy from the Steelers soldiers.
Cowher made it clear that the Steelers absorbed absolutely no damages during the war, but added that "Israel has made it clear to the world that it will not accept attacks on it,” he said, adding that the UN Resolution may result in a fundamental change in the situation along the Eastern border.