UnNews:States Of The Mid-West United States Recede

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States Of The Mid-West United States Recede

Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard

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Wednesday, August 23, 2017, 02:41:59 (UTC)

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2 March 2008


THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, Kansas, or Missouri, or somewhere else no one knows or cares about- Mid Western states have finally decided to drop out of the union, deciding that they can do better off alone. The states of Kansas, Nebraska, Oklahoma, liquid, Missouri, Illinois, and wherever else is greater than 90% corn and wheat fields have chosen to recede from the United States, feeling that they can't be properly recognized when they have to compete with better states, such as Florida or California.
Wheat

Seriously. Wheat?


"It's just not fair," says Jimmy Boy Atkins, like 40 or something, a wheat farmer from somewhere no one has ever heard of. "I reckon that if they're fixin' to put us up against Disney Land--well, I'd think that ain't fair."


The Little Old Lady that Lived Down the Lane, or lost her shoe, or some other crap like that was also believed to have said that it was unfair for the Mid-West to be competing against the obviously better states; however, this is unable to be confirmed, as the journalist interviewing her was soon after sent to bed with no supper.


Will receding from the union help the economic growth of the Land of Grain? For some, such as Atkins, this is hopeful.


"Maybe we c'n open our own Disney Land," he had said, "and I c'n have my own pair o' mouse ears. Well, 'cept for the ones I gots here in my pocket. I caught 'em ones when I were 'bout six. Poor li'l bugger ain't seen a mouse trap before, I reckon."


Others don't think the Midwest would be able to support itself from an economic stand point. Economist Dwight K. Schrute has his own opinions on the matter.


"The Midwest was weak. It can't support itself. The only income it generates is from grain. Who buys grain? If I were in power, I would have cut them out from the United States years ago."

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