UnNews:Statement: Private sector was 'not completely honest' with Obama last June about its condition
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.|
16 October 2012
WASHINGTON, DC -- In a recent development that many believe will have a major impact on the upcoming presidential election, the private sector released a statement admitting that it had "not been completely honest" with President Obama that time in June when he asked it how it was doing.
This past June, the president gave a speech in which he infamously reiterated the private sector's assurance to him that it was doing fine. But today in a statement to the press the private sector revealed that the whole interaction at the time was an innocent misunderstanding, and that clearly it was not really "doing fine". Apparently, the private sector was unaware that the president was actually concerned about it, and he really wanted to know how things were going for it. "He asked me how I was doing, like people do every day, you know?" the private sector explained in the statement. "I just didn't really want to get into a big, self-pity discussion about everything that was going wrong in my life, so I just said 'Yeah. I'm doing fine. Thanks.' I mean, it was a platitude. It's what you say."
A spokesperson for the Obama campaign responded to the statement saying, "Look, the private sector has some explaining to do. Mr. Obama approached the private sector in an intimate setting, looked it square in the eye and asked it point-blank to be honest with him and tell him how things were going. This was not just a hallway passing greeting, which one would expect to be appropriately disingenuous. This was a heart-to-heart discussion, and the private sector assured the president that eveything was OK. That it was doing fine. This was the basis of the president's contention in his speech that evening. The president accepted the private sector at its word, and even assured it that if it needed anything, anything at all, he was there for it. Of course Mr. Obama is deeply concerned about the private sector's welfare, and now that he has found out the truth, he is committed to getting it the help it needs to come out of its severe depression and start living life again to its fullest."
The private sector was asked what the president could possibly do for it, but it just waved the question off. "See, this is what I was trying to avoid. I don't want any fuss, really. I can manage. I've been down before and I've recovered without anybody having to bother or meddle in my business. I'll take care of it. I will be fine."
Despite its protestations, however, many economists and psychotherapists feel that the depression it is experiencing may be clinical, and although it has recovered on its own in the past, it really will need professional and/or governmental assistance to truly recover. Options for a depression therapy for the private sector have been discussed in congressional sessions, but no consensus has been reached regarding what would be the most effective treatment, or if it would be better to allow it to work things out on its own.
- Bill McMorris "The first step, private sector, is admitting you need help". Fox News, October 10, 2012