UnNews:Starsky and Hutch actor Paul Michael Glaser says drugs were "medical"

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Where man always bites dog

1 September 2012

Joint

One very long joint - but legal

KENTUCKY, USA -- What are you going to do when you're still good looking at 69? Hobble to the grocery store to buy your favorite biscuits? Sit and read books about garden plants? No. As long as your body holds out, you are going to act much the same as you did at 29. Sex, booze and medical marijuana.

Minding his own business with his collection of bongs, the 70's heartthrob was staying at the Hilton Garden Inn in Kentucky, getting fried in his room. The smell of marijuana was said to be all over his floor and other guests complained. Glaser was arrested, but pleads not guilty as it was medical 'erb, which he said he's allowed to smoke in California. Now, this journalist isn't a geography major but I do know Kentucky and California are different places. To make this technically legal, he would have to roll a 3,000 km joint and put the burning end in California and the toke end in his hotel room in Kentucky. He would get a good few hours of smoke but would have to have someone in California put the joint out before it left the state. Since he didn't do this simple procedure, he is then, in fact, guilty of possessing marijuana in the eyes of the law.

To test whether a 3,000 km joint actually works as well as a standard joint; I invited the Editor of UnNews out for the day to Kentucky. We rolled our joint with the help of volunteer stoners and instructed our California office to light us up.

Soon, our little experiment was making headlines - Tommy Chong, on hearing about our three thousander (and smelling it) fought his way through the crowds that had gathered in Kentucky to offer his expertise. Within a few minutes, the joint was at the state line. Tommy, not done with the joint, pushed it for half an hour until it was well inside California. He kept this up until we had walked to California. The last centimeters of the joint held tightly in his fingers. We were promptly arrested anyway.

So why are laws so strange regarding marijuana? I often see vomit-covered girls laying in the street. Why can a person legally acquire a store load of alcohol, drink it, get addicted and become dependent on the state - just to buy further booze? Marijuana has never been responsible for any known fight in history. If you can get two stoners fighting, you will be performing a miracle. I don't personally smoke dope but I have never had a problem with people who do. I have had problems with drunks in bars though (hi mum). Each to their own concerning weed I think. As Bob Marley said: "'Erb is a plant man. Dem say we will rebel... Against what?"

Mr. Glaser, good luck with your court case. You only have to smile and know the female judge is a fan in private. Can the government do something useful and catch rapists and murderers? Call me dumb Senator but aren't most presidents and people of high standing usually jerks in private? I love JFK and Clinton. The more honest you are about your own faults, the more the people will respect you. Let's smoke a Monica Lewinsky.

This is an annoyed reporter for UnDope.

UnNews Logo Potato
This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.
Personal tools
projects