UnNews:Stanley McChrystal gets surprising new gig
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Stanley McChrystal gets surprising new gig
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, March 18, 2018, 02:38:UTC)(
16 August 2010
New York City, New York -- Former and disgraced General Stanley McChrystal has been keeping a low profile after he was fired from his office by President Barack Obama after he publicly criticized Obama's favorite new artist Lady Gaga in an interview with Rolling Stone magazine. However he recently sent out a press release stating that he would be trying a new career, as a Stand-up comic.
News of McChrystal's new career has sent shock waves throughout the political world and it seems everyone has an opinion. Glenn Beck of Fox News said that McChrystal's move to stand up comedy would be a more than adequate platform to make fun of the president and get comedic revenge. Beck then went on to ramble for 40 minutes on how he too once had dreams of becoming a stand up comic but liberals kept him from achieving his dream. Comedian Bill Bennett expressed ill feelings about the move. "I've been doing stand up for 26 years and I just don't feel that he should be getting this much publicity. He should have to start from the ground up and hope that a reputation trickles down to him from already established comedians, like myself."
McChrystal says he isn't looking for an easy way to the top, and that he just wants to make a new life for himself. "This is my dream." said McChrystal as he warmed up backstage at the Apollo. "I know I'll do okay, I used to joke with my troops all the time. I have a real knee slapper about terrorists who use children as human shields!" In the end McChrystal says he just hopes he inspires people to live out their dreams no matter how unlikely their chances of success are. Stanley McChrystal can next be seen at the Gotham comedy club on August 21st.