UnNews:Stallone Pleads Guilty to Trying to Destroy City
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15 May 2007
HOLLYWOOD STAR Sylvester Stallone has pleaded guilty to attempting to destroy Sydney, capital city of Australia, after imbibing a growth hormone taken from the pituitary gland of giant Japanese monkey monster, Godzilla.
The actor, 89, admitted to metamorphising into a blubbery city destroying, fire breathing monster in February after injecting the hormone shortly after arriving in Australia. He will be sentenced next week, when he faces destruction by being cast into a giant volcano.
Prosecution documents said Stallone had marked "no" on a customs declaration form that asked if he was planning on changing into a giant, lumbering monster. He also explicitly declared that he had no intention of attacking any Australian city "by use of my fire breathin' or laser eye powers."
Stallone then went on to grow nearly as high as the clouds and attack Sydney killing nearly 42,000 people. The Japanese army (known for having tried and failed to save Tokyo some 450+ times from Godzilla and his ilk) were then called in but, as usual, were ineffective and were themselves sent to a flaming oblivion. Fortunately Super Robot Manga Attack Force X was to hand to save the day in their giant robot, despite a further 129,000 were killed in the ensuing battle. One traumatised surviver, Kevin Cobber, described the moment when he first spotted Sylvester Stallone, "its that face, my god only a mother could love that face!"
In a comment issued last night via his lawyers Stallone expressed little regret, "I wouldda have gottaway wid it if it wasn't for those pesky kihds!"