UnNews:Sports award winner exposed as man not horse
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Sports award winner exposed as man not horse
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, October 27, 2016, 18:47:UTC)(
23 December 2010
LONDON, United Kingdom -- A Sun newspaper exposé on BBC Sports Personality of the Year Tony McCoy is said to have "shocked the racing community." The story published this morning claims that the three-thousand time winner is of species man and not species horse and thus makes little or no contribution to the victories. A former friend of McCoy's was quoted in the article claiming that McCoy ”basically just sits on the horse." A second source commented that, "there's no peddling or any kind of exertion involved. You might have to lean down a bit and hit the poor animal, but that's it.”
British cyclists--none of whom were nominated for the prestigious award--reacted particularly angrily to the news of McCoy's victory. Olympic champion Bradley Wiggins spoke for many when he commented, ”We do something similar to McCoy occasionally: it's called going downhill.”
Members of the public spoke to UnNews today on the growing controversy. Rachael Beacons was typical of many when she said, ”I voted for McCoy and yes I feel stupid for thinking a Jockey was a breed of horse. To find out he's just a passenger getting taxied around by some poor animal makes me want to vomit up my unfertilised eggs.“
Though quick to concede recent scientific findings that reading burns twice the calories of jockeying, many from the horse-racing community have defended a man who converted to Irishness when just 17 to pursue his dream. Racing correspondent John McCirick added: ”This is a man who needs to constantly monitor his weight. He has a strict diet, daily saunas and long, intensely hot baths and sessions of speed walking. He's a real champion”
Heptathlete Jessica Ennis, who came third in the BBC competition, immediately replied, ”Have a bath, go for a walk? That's what old people do on Sundays.”
On the Irish current-events betting site Intrade, the odds of super-model Kate Moss winning next year's competition have been slashed to evens.
- BBC "Jockey Tony McCoy wins Sports Personality of the Year". BBC Sport, December 19, 2010