UnNews:Spinosaurus accused for giant peach robbery; Bob the Builder in shock
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Spinosaurus accused for giant peach robbery; Bob the Builder in shock
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, December 6, 2016, 08:21:UTC)(
31 May 2007
At 3:00AM this morning a completely unexpected occurrence occurred at 3:00AM this morning. Mr. Spinosaurus Aegyptacus was seen on-camera lurking in the shadow of a 700-pound woman. It then snuck under a skip, under the watchful eye of a sleeping guard and a broken secuirity camera. The rusty metal gave him fleas, causing a chain reaction and setting off an earthquake in Kansas, where Dr. Oscar Wilde was performing an essential operation on a banana. He lost his balance and accidentally poured soya milk all over the banana. He was fired.
Aegyptacus then stealthily snuck through a busy motorway, scaring a few people and flipping a gay car. It flew into the sky. No more suspisions were raised. Spino then moved towards Yellowstone, a famous landmark. He turned the corner into Koala Lampur and then went on straight into a giant peach. It exploded. Bob the Builder, famous stripper, claims "I saw the whole thing. I was just walking back in my sexy bikini when I saw him sabotaging the peach. It just flew over my head and then said something in Chinese. I told Mr. Aegyptacus to kindly fuck his bastard ass off, but then he started stripping off my bikini. I ran away to his house, where he'd never find me, even if he'd followed me, which he did, and hid in a box that head 'Hey sexy; I'm in here!'. He never found me. So I staid."
Builder is now in shock and is being cared for by a beutiful nurse, who claims "he fucks good". Mr. Aegyptacus has been releasd with no charge 1. because he has no horns, and 2 because the community has benefited millions of pounds for the destruction of the gay car.