|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
5 May 2009
DEVON, United Kingdom -- Police were called to a disturbance at a Dawlish holiday camp which rapidly escalated into a full-scale street brawl involving superhero Spiderman, Tellytubby Tinky-Winky and an Oompa-Loompa who was visiting the West Country resort during his annual vacation from Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. All three were arrested and later questioned, writes UnNews West of England correspondent Philip Rubberglove.
The fight, which broke out at around 1 am on Saturday night, involved an unknown number of people though several left the scene before the police arrived and as such escaped arrest. However, ten people were later charged with committing violent affray and three were treated in hospital for cuts and bruises. "We will not tolerate this kind of behaviour," Constable Ivor Limpet of Devon Police later said. "Dawlish is a pleasant place and we want to be known as a respectable resort where respectable people can enjoy respectable holidays. Thugs, hooligans and other people who wish to act in this anti-social manner (blacks) are not welcome here."
UnNews spoke to several local residents who told of the shock and terror they felt when the violence flared into life on their town's streets. "I was just on my way home from the pub when I saw it," says Mrs. Mabel Mildew, who has lived in Dawlish for all of her 96 years. "I couldn't believe it when I saw it Spiderman, Tinky-Winky and an Oompa-Loompa belting seven shades of the proverbial out of one another. I thought to myself, "Right, that's it - no more acid for me, ever." I couldn't believe it when the police showed up and I realised it was really happening, I wasn't just having a weird trip. I'll be a lot more worried if that fire-breathing dragon that materialised in my kitchen cupboard that one time ever shows up again."