UnNews:Spears surprises fans and media with new bald look
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Spears surprises fans and media with new bald look
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, June 29, 2016, 23:54:UTC)(
21 February 2007
Los Angeles, California (UnNews) - Britney Spears shocked fans and the media over the weekend when it was discovered that she had shaved off all her pubic hair. Spears has been known for such hits as "Horny", "Do Me Baby, One more time" and "I'm a Sex Slave For You". Ever since Spears became famous in 1998 it has been assumed that she kept her snatch bald but this was disproven when a crotch shot taken in 2006 revealed a massive bush.
"I'm surprised her sons didn't suffocate in that huge bush when she popped them out" noted friend Paris Hilton, "I've been trying to get her to shave that thing for years but she insisted on going 'au naturel'. I mean it was that bad even Kevin Federline left her - you know something is wrong when someone like Kevin Federline leaves you. How could he go down on her? I mean it was like a jungle down there, no wonder he left." Hilton was pleased when Spears finally shaved off her bush.
An anonymous source, however, revealed that it was actually Hilton who had shaved off Britney's bush. The source continued to say that Hilton first donned a pair of rubber gloves and started to massage Spears' genital region to produce moisture which made the shaving easier. She washed down Spears' foul-smelling snatch with soap and water and applied shaving cream. She then shaved Spears' snatch, finally removing that massive bush. Spears and Hilton have since donated the pubic hair to a non-profit organization which makes wigs for people who have lost their hair. Once the shaving was complete, Hilton cleaned out Spears' vagina with her tongue. "Mmmmm tastes much better now" Hilton allegedly said after tasting her lesbian lover's snatch. "Ohhhhhh yessssssss" replied Spears. Spears was allegedly brought to climax three times by Hilton.
After shaving off her massive bush, Spears says that she felt "Freer than she has ever felt before". Had she known how being bald felt, she says she would have shaved off her pubes long ago. Spears has revealed her new look to fans and photographers and has even let a few lucky ones have a taste of her, "She tastes much better without that forest between her legs, it would get all sweaty and smelly, at least now she's airing it out, aided by that fact that she hates panties" noted UnNews reporter Ben Dover. Online polls also revealed that Spears popularity has rebounded since news of her new bald look hit the airwaves. She is planning on releasing a new album and going on tour later this year.