UnNews:South Korea to chemically decapitate serial kisser
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
23 May 2012
SEOUL, South Korea -- South Korea is set to carry out a chemical beheading of a serial smoocher later this week, implementing recent legislation for the first time. The new procedure involves a strong burly policeman forcing the convict to kneel in front of a bucket of Sulphuric Acid and then forcefully plunging his head into the caustic chemical until it is entirely dissolved.
After the convict’s head is gone his carcass is then unceremoniously flung into a pit of crocodiles for proper Korean burial. The chemical decapitation is intended to not only suppress obsessive oral impulses but to eradicate those urges altogether. Fortunately the punishment does not require the convict's verbal confession.
The smooch offender, identified only by his surname of Park, has been convicted of four counts of French-kissing or attempted kissing of unwilling girls since the 1980s, according to the Ministry of Justice.
“Smooch-obsessives over the age of 16, who have sexually offended against females under the age of 41 and are diagnosed with smooch mania, can be subject to such punishment,” a Justice Ministry official said Wednesday, neglecting to be identified as is customary in South Korea where every one is named Park.
A law authorizing this sentence for serial kissers came into effect last year. It followed a public outcry after a number of cases were reported of smoochers re-offending following their release. “There was growing demand for strengthened measures against smooch maniacs who are likely to repeat their actions,” the official said.
Park’s case is not unique in a country where everyone is named Park and offenders could now be subject to such punishment for as little as a peck on the cheek, according to the law.