UnNews:Sonic the Hedgehog Passes Away at 21
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Sonic the Hedgehog Passes Away at 21
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, December 2, 2016, 22:14:UTC)(
11 August 2012
MOBOTROPOLIS, Mobius (or whatever the fuck it's called)
Just in this morning. Due to a tragic series of events, the world's loved Sonic the Hedgehog has passed away. He is survived by his adopted brother, Miles "Tails" Prower, and his self-proclaimed girlfriend, Amy Rose.
According to official sources, the cause of his death was carbon monoxide poisoning, a case which suggests that the scene was a suicide. We talked with Sonic's former roommate, Knuckles the Echidna, about the recent discovery.
"Me and Sonic had a bet to see if he could become any bluer," Knuckles says. "If he could do it, he'd owe me 50 rings and a bonus round. I guess the saddest thing about this tragedy is that I'll never get those rings."
With Sonic gone, his long-time friend/rival Mario hopes to patch things up with his now devastated friends and family members. "It's the least I can do," Mario told us. "If it weren't for Sonic, I never would've made it into the Olympics."
It seems that things will get along just fine without Sonic, although there is currently no one strong enough to defeat Dr. Eggman again. Hopefully someone will come around before it's too late.
- Isaac Cox "[animenewsnetwork.com Sonic Dies]". 2012, August 12, 2012