UnNews:Something interesting finally happens in cricket

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23 March 2007


180px-Cricketball
A cricket ball, yesterday

It's taken over a 100 years of history, dot balls, ball tampering, match fixing, overweight posh homosexuals rubbing their groin area until it goes red, and drug abuse, but the sport that gave us 5 days tests (of patience) and "rain stopped play" was finally hitting the news headlines after some guy was strangled to death for losing to the Irish.

The sound of leather against willow will never be the same again after Pakistan's cricket coach Bob Woolmer was murdered in his hotel room on Sunday. A post-mortem examination established that the former England player had died as a result of "manual strangulation", suggestions that this was a metaphor for how Pakistan always "choked" when it came to big competitions were swiftly denied by the Pakistan Cricket Board.

Police say Mr Woolmer may have known his killer or killers.

Although, then again, he may not have done. Suggestions that he strangled himself like Peter Lorre in that stupid movie The Beast With Five Fingers were not rubbished by detectives.

Other reports that he had been skullfucked to death by the ghost of former cricketing superstar and ace pilot Hansie Cronje were also being investigated by parapsychologists with nothing better to do.

More cynical news services had suggested that he had been murdered to try and bring some publicity to an otherwise dull and pointless world cup.


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