UnNews:Soma claims actor Corey Haim
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Soma claims actor Corey Haim
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, December 9, 2016, 13:31:UTC)(
12 March 2010
HOLLYWOOD, California -- Actor Corey Haim died two days ago of an apparent Soma overdose. He was 38. Police told UnNews they were called to the actor's home in Burbank, CA shortly before 4 AM PT to investigate. On entering Haim’s room the police found empty bottles of a so-called celestial drug Soma, which caused the authorities to wonder. Subsequently, after checking Uncyclopedia, it was determined that Soma was a Hindu myth.
According to investigator Ted Whimple, “By the time we arrived the deceased was already deceased. So we're working on the assumption that prior to being deceased he was alive. We found empty bottles of an unknown substance called “Soma”, but its not listed by the DEA or the AMA as either a drug or a medication. So we can’t say he over-dosed. Therefore we’re ruling this a simple
murder case accidental death.”
Haim shot to fame in the 80s -- when he co-starred in a number of films, including "The Lost Boys" with Corey Feldman. Haim subsequently starred in eight movies with Feldman. Haim and Corey Feldman were known as "The Two Coreys" at the peak of their careers in the 1980s, and their relationship was always subject to innuendo.
Haim reportedly suffered a drug-induced stroke in 2001 and was rushed to UCLA Medical Center. After being pronounced DOA he later survived. Haim also reportedly was in and out and in and out of rehab 15 times, but cleaned up in 2004 after moving to Toronto.
TMZ reported that while in Canada Haim become involved with a mysterious Indian Swami who introduced him to a mythological drug named Soma, which he began to take on a regular basis. Unidentified friends of Haim told UnNews, “We were not really worried about his new ‘Soma habit’ up until he died in our midst! Then we all split from his pad before the cops arrived.”