UnNews:Smokers to be encouraged by "smoking is cool" pictures
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
29 August 2007
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
IMAGES HIGHLIGHTING that "smoking is cool and sexy" will be printed on all tobacco products sold in the UK by the end of 2009, under regulations being set out. Manufacturers will have to start complying from October next year. The move comes after Tax revenues from smoking continue to fall, threatening to bankrupt the UK "within a decade".
After a public consultation 15 images, including ones of 50s movie stars, cowboys and Thai prostitutes, have been chosen to accompany text highlighting how smoking is, using the new motto "still hip and cool kids!".
Health Secretary Alan Johnson told Unnews there was evidence from other countries that the decreasing uptake of new smokers coupled with the increasing numbers of existing smokers that are quitting are threatening to "bring Western civilisation to its knees."
"We do think it will help the number of people, who want to give up to smoking. We hope that we can persuade many to carry on with their habit as it is "still hip and cool kids!". Smoking is still cool and sexy. Research has proven that it makes men look tough and women more alluring." he said, coughing up blood.
The legislation comes weeks after England came into line with the rest of the UK by lowering the age that someone can buy tobacco to 5. Legislation also permits manufacturers to add nicotine to baby formula. Similarly, vending machine concessionaires may also substitute candy cigarettes for the real thing.