UnNews:Six more discs 'are missing'
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Six more discs 'are missing'
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, August 23, 2017, 01:09:UTC)(
24 November 2007
Third of Six Missing Discs Found
The pressure on British Prime Minister Gordon Brown was eased earlier today when postal courier TNT discovered one of the missing discs is in fact just a pirate copy of the new Spice Girls' Greatest Hits album that an unknown official was too embarrassed to admit owning.
The latest scandal to hit the United Kingdom involved another set of discs which were lost during the same week UnNews revealed that details on British nationals were released to the Mafia. After a thorough investigation, TNT traced one parcel back to HM Revenue and Customs in Tyne and Wear where it was revealed that an anonymous office worker had ordered a copy of the latest album from Amazon.com.
It is then believed that an illegal copy of this CD was made and an attempt to send this to a colleague in London was made despite TNT having a policy against the transport of illegal goods. Upon discovery of the pirated copy, it is alleged that a Conservative voter within TNT customs promptly microwaved the disc and attempted to blame the already underfire British Government to divert all attention from the courier firm who are already being blamed for previous losses.
Rumour has it that one of the other five missing discs may in fact be a copy of the Village People's Greatest Hits although no politician has been willing to clarify the situation.
The French government have since taken all precautions and are considering banning those illegally copying files from having access to the internet in case the British scandal should cross the English Channel. The British Government has since laughed off this suggestion with Home Secretary Jacqui Smith explaining: "How could the government possibly operate properly without half of workers in the public sector being banned from the internet? We'd be like Cuba or somethink."
Government officials are now confident that two computer discs containing the details of 25m Child Benefit claimants were simply mixed up with audio CDs brought into the office by staff. All staff who work in the affected offices have been asked to look through all CD cases at home to check that the discs aren't there. One source said: "I'm pretty sure they'll show their face somewhere. When someone trys to burn the disc to iTunes and Jackie Smith, aged 46 with two children Jason and Tara and a Doberman called Killer, from Bristol pops up on screen then alarm bells might start to ring."