UnNews:Singer Morrissey's Girlfriend in a Coma; "It's Serious" Doctor Says
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Singer Morrissey's Girlfriend in a Coma; "It's Serious" Doctor Says
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, December 1, 2015, 10:01:UTC)(
30 December 2007
A doctor, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, "Morrissey? Well, his girlfriend is in a coma. It is actually pretty serious, and I'm not sure he understands that or knows how bad it is. It's really only a matter of time before he'll have to whisper his last goodbyes to her."
Singer Morrissey disagreed with the notion that he doesn't know how bad it is. "I know, I know it's serious", he told us during an early morning phone call.
Morrissey's agent made available this press release Friday night: "Morrissey's girlfriend, Melissa Malloy is in a coma. It's serious, and he would like everybody to hope for their best for a speedy recovery."
An early police report suggest that Malloy was driving her 2004 Mercedes SLK230 on a thru-way when her vehicle was struck by a large box truck. The report states that her driver's side was demolished by the impact, and that rescue workers had to cut her from the vhicle. The report also states that Malloy suffered severe injuries to her head and back, and was taken to shock trauma at Worcestshire Royal Hospital, where she now remains in a coma.
As of last night, Malloy's family memebers said that Morrissey had yet to visit the hospital. They claim that Malloy and Morrissey had recently been having problems, and perhaps the relationship only exists publicly while having privately been broken off.
However, we caught up with with Morrissey in front of the hospital this afternoon, where he told us, "yes, we've had our problems. In fact, there were times I could have strangled her - not that I condone violence against women or anything of that matter - but despite the differences we had at times, I would really hate to see anything happen to her."