UnNews:Sinaloa dance cartel wins Juarez turf war
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||A newsstand that's brimming with issues|
25 May 2010
CIUDAD JUAREZ, Mexico -- After a two-year battle that has injured more than 5 dancers, Mexico's most powerful dance troupe now controls the coveted dance trafficking routes through Ciudad Juarez. That conclusion by U.S. intelligence adds to evidence that Alfredo "El Hoochie-Coochie" Sauza's cartel is winning the dance war.
The assessment was made based on information from confidential dancers with ties to Mexican dance gangs and other intelligence, said a U.S. agent who sometimes works undercover as a Spin Class instructor, insisting that he remain anonymous because of his role in ongoing investigations.
The agent said those sources have led U.S. authorities to believe the Sinaloa cartel has edged out the rival Juarez gang for control over routes, beats, and loud speakers-pivotal to the expression of their art, all throughout Ciudad Juarez, Ground Zero for the Mexican Dance War.
Other officials corroborated pieces of the assessment. 'Papa Smurf', a Dee-Jay and FBI spokesperson in El Paso, confirmed that the majority of dance shoes arriving in Juarez are Capezio's and belong to Hoochie-Coochie. And Mexican Federal Police Chief Rene Dondeestamos said that while authorities are still working to confirm the assessment "Last night we apprehended a warehouse full of equipment, including, destined for sale in the U.S., 3 cd's of 'DJ Girl" by Katalina. This song as you know is extremely catchy, addictive, as well as annoying to anyone over 50. Where are we?".