UnNews:Shilpa to be Crowned new Monarch of Great Britain
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Shilpa to be Crowned new Monarch of Great Britain
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, July 6, 2015, 07:54:UTC)(
31 January 2007
In sensational news this morning Tony Blair announced that in order to (in some small, pathetic way) atone for the grevious sins committed against her, Big Brother winner Shilpa Shetty will be crowned Queen of England. The decision comes after much hand wringing and soul searching from the British media and chattering classes. The current Royal Family will be gradually culled in new C4 reality show, "I was a Royal, HUNT ME DOWN LIKE THE DOG I AM!" which will be hosted by Graham Norton and Kate Thornton.
The news was greeted with nodded approval across the nation, "it's basically the least we can do after what that poor woman went through at the hands of this once great nation. It makes me ashamed to be Polish" said one man, who wished to remain anonymous.
To the shame of an entire nation, Sheepla Shanty was subjected to relentless torment including having her fingernails pulled out, having a hot poker inserted up her anus and being partially eaten alive by her fellow housemates, led by the evil Jade Goody. The events brought international condemnation and eternal shame to the entire nation. No man, woman or child can feel innocent in the atrocities our new Queen endured, a bit like how the Germans may never atone for David Hasselhoff and his continued malingering.
"what sort of society do we live in where this sort of treatment is meted out in the name of entertainment?", serial killer Peter Sutcliffe asked from his cell yesterday, "how can any of us look in the mirror? I know I can't, as I'm blind from diabetes!"
Meanwhile Blair appealed for calm after Al Qaeda opened up a new terrorist training camp in Surrey, "it's this sort of petty small-minded bigotry that shames us all" he said from his secret bunker in Northern Scotland.
Sherpa Shanty (or summink) will be coronated on Friday afternoon, just before tea.