UnNews:Sheehan agrees to: 'Shut the Hell up'
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Sheehan agrees to: 'Shut the Hell up'
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, December 5, 2016, 04:50:UTC)(
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WHINE COUNTRY, California -- Famed anti-war activist, Cindy Sheehan, has agreed today to finally 'Shut the hell up'. In her words during a press conference this afternoon, Mrs. Sheehan said amidst sobbing, I don't get it. Nobody's paying attention anymore. The reporters ignore me. My family thinks I'm a kook. I give up. Apparently, the protest has taken quite a personal toll on the activist, both in time, financially, and on an emotional level. Bitching is not an easy thing to do, claimed Sheehan. It takes a lot of time and effort to become this annoying. Finding out that no one really cares about what you think can become quite discouraging.'
Right-wing activists were ecstatic. Conversative, radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh had this to say on his nationally syndicated show today. Sheehan is an idiot. Nobody gives a damn what I think either, but it hasn't shut me up. I keep going and going and going without any concern about what people think of me. She's got a lot to learn about becoming a persistent pain in the ass.
The White House had little to nothing to say about the matter. In a written statement from spokesman Tony Snow, the president seemed to be completely vapid. The reason we ignored Mrs. Sheehan for so long in Crawford during her protest is because she didn't bring any ice cream. If you want to see President Bush, you've got to give him a reason to let you in the door. He likes ice cream. Chocolate. There's nothing more we could do for her if she's not going to play the game.
Sheehan has agreed to support the anti-war effort in spirit, if not in action. I don't know what I'm going to do next. Maybe I'll go to Venezuela and work for Hugo Chavez. I need a new husband since the last one couldn't take anymore and Chavez is about as good looking as I am. If nothing else, he knows how to get rid of elected politicians that nobody likes.