UnNews:Shambo the Sacred Bull must Perform, Court Rules
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Shambo the Sacred Bull must Perform, Court Rules
Where man always bites dog
Monday, July 6, 2015, 09:48:UTC)(
24 July 2007
LONDON, England (AP) -- A bull revered as sacred by his Hindu caretakers must perform in pornographic movies, a British court ruled Monday, overturning a decision by a lower court last week.
The ruling could spell a new career for Shambo, a 6-year-old Friesian bull, whose life is about to become "a whole lot more interesting".
Local regulations stipulate that cattle starring in pornographic movies should be encouraged, but Shambo's caretakers at the Skanda Vale monastery in southwestern Wales have mounted a campaign to "save" the beast. Hindus consider cattle sacred, and lawyers for the monastery argued that photographing the bull in compromising situations would interfere with their religious rights.
The monastery also took its case to the public, creating an Internet petition, a blog containing Shambo's "daily thoughts," and even a Webcast called "Moo Tube" that tracks the bull's movements around its hay-filled shrine.
Last week, a judge in Wales ordered porn movie producers to reconsider their decision to star the bull (see Unnews report). But on Monday, the Court of Appeal in London reversed the decision, ruling that Shambo's budding porn movie career was in the national interest considering the previous damage done by Tony Blair and Prince Charles.
The opportunity could also extend to other cattle and deer, and in rare cases to other animals and even to humans, according to Red Hot Poker Productions, the company that conducted Shambo's screen test and offered him the lucrative deal.
The monastery said it was devastated by the news.
"This decision seriously disregards the principal tenets of Hindu Dharma (divine law)," Skanda Vale said in a statement, adding that Shambo should receive extra hay rather than be filmed performing lewd acts. "We don't think Shambo is being paid enough," the temple said.
It added that the temple's monks should not be expected to participate in any major roles in the pornographic movies, even though some have expressed "an interest". Sanjay Mistry, a spokesman for the temple, said it was likely the bull could be "between the sheets and in front of the cameras" within the next few weeks.
Mistry said the monastery was still trying to determine whether or not it could appeal the decision.
Shambo is the only bull in a herd of contented cows kept on the monastery's 115-acre spread.