UnNews:Sex machine recalled by manufacturer
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Sex machine recalled by manufacturer
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, February 7, 2016, 03:41:UTC)(
25 December 2006
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"Extensive and rigorous testing of the hardest-working sex machine in show business has demonstrated the likelihood of complete system failure after only 73 years on the scene," a spokespriest for our Father in Funk Heaven said this morning.
Attempted repairs to the machine last night relied too heavily on the machine that goes "bleep" and, despite hard work from the engineers of Blind Lemon Kraftwerk Corporation, failed to achieve acceptable levels of heat and smoothness.
ADI snickered at their default win.
God's spokespriest exhorted consumers not to lose heart and to "get up, get on up."