UnNews:Severe storm moves towards Cape Breton Island, Environment Canada warns
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||We distort, you deride|
30 October 2007
Sydney, Nova Scotia (UnNews) - A severe autumn storm is moving towards Cape Breton Island warns the largest meterological organization in Canada. The forecast calls for scattered egg showers with a chance of Roman Candles this evening (October 30th). Overnight the egg showers are expected to intensify and scattered pumpkins may also fall. Clearing is expected throughout most of Wednesday but conditions are expected to deterorate further towards Wednesday evening.
Conditions are forecast to be even worse on Wednesday evening, with eggs, heavy at times, forecast to fall throughout the evening and overnight. The eggs are expected to be mixed with toilet paper, crabapples, motion potion, and possibly rocks. Fireworks are also expected in the forecast. Panic has ensued throughout most of the island with residents flooding to local grocery stores to stock up on food supplies, mostly candy, soda pop, bars, and chips. While mayor John Morgan has not declared a formal state of emergency, he is urging residents to stay off the roads if possible and if they absolutely must drive to slow down and use caution. Police will also be out in full force tonight and tomorrow to assist people who may be caught in the storm.
Businesses will be closing early tonight in anticipation of the storm especially since they are extremely vulnerable to damage along with schools, cars, and homes, especially those of pedophiles. Sgt. Barry Gordon of the Cape Breton Regional Police stated that these types of storms are particularly common during this time of year. He recalled a storm that occurred on October 31st, 2005 when several squad cars were caught in an intense rock shower that occurred in Cameron Bowl in Glace Bay. "The front and back windshields of both vehicles were blown out, the officers were actually fearing for their lives at one point". Gordon says he doesn't anticipate this storm will be as bad as the one which occurred two years ago but says the Police Force isn't taking any chances and will be out on full patrol in order to ensure the safety of the public.
The same storm also produced fireworks and several cars and homes were damaged as a result. The storm produced heavy egg showers and both middle schools and the local high school in Glace Bay were severely affected. Forecasters are not sure if this storm will be as bad as the one two years ago but local officials are not taking any chances and are pleading with the public not to venture out in the storm. Mayor Morgan said from his palace today that he is prepared for the worst but knows that Cape Breton has been through far worse disasters. He believes that Cape Breton can recover from anything and believes that the Island will quickly rebound no matter how bad the storm is.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|