UnNews:September 12 jealous of September 11's fame
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September 12 jealous of September 11's fame
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, March 29, 2017, 19:10:UTC)(
13 September 2006
LOS ANGELES, CA -- Calendar day September 12 voiced his bitter jealousy of neighbor September 11th in today's editorial section of the New York Times. The day is upset about how everyone always remembers the 11th and the media spends all day talking about it, but barely anyone recognizes the 12th on the following morning. This is the 5th straight year of such unfairness, claims September 12th.
Although the terrorist attacks in 2001 are certainly the major cause for September 12th's frustrations, other notable events on that date are also to blame. For instance, the bloody 1973 coup of Chile's Salvador Allende has been widely commemorated, especially in South America. And Hawaiians tend to recall 1992's Hurricane Iniki, which devastated their island state on September 11th of that year.
September 12th is outraged that the wide variety of historical events that occurred on its date are largely ignored, as people simply try to get back to their lives after remembering September 11th. Memorable events go back to ancient times, such as the Battle of Marathon in 490 B.C. "Ahhh, I remember it well," recalls Mr. September 12th, "I'm so glad Athens defeated Persia, thus saving Western civilization from demise." Even New York itself had some notable events occur on that day. In 1609, Henry Hudson discovered the Hudson River. "There wouldn't even be a New York City if not for that," bitterly commented the calendar day.
Asked what his favorite event was, September 12th cited 1959's premiere of the TV show "Bonanza." Saying "I loved that show," he added that it was the first regularly-scheduled program aired in color. The day also recalled 1953's selection of Nikita Khrushchev as the first secretary of the Soviet Union's Communist Party. "It really deepened the cold war," he added grimly.
The only other citizens of Calendar Town aside from September 11th that September 12th has a grudge against are "Everyone on January and February streets," he says. "They're out-of-towners; it's that damned Julius Caesar that let them in. I used to live on the 7th most affluent street, but now it's the 9th." Asked for any final thoughts, September 12th answered, "Well, at least Britney Spears will remember me, since her baby was born at 2am today. Take that, September 11th!"
edit Take that September 11
Also September 11 must not forget that September 12th is Programmer's Day