|This article is part of UnNews||Where man always bites dog|
2 February 2007
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WASHINGTON, DC -- Senator Joe Biden ended the week furiously defending himself for referring to colleague Barack Obama as a "clean African American." He was deeply apologetic and retracted his remarks saying, "I was wrong to call Mr. Obama "clean." My heart goes out to him and to all African Americans who felt hurt by my initial comments. I am truly apologetic, and would like to just say for the record that Mr. Obama is nothing but a dirty nigger."
Although Obama himself said he understood Biden made a simple mistake and forgave him, many others continue to scrutinize the Senator. "How dare he call Obama clean?" an outraged Reverend Al Sharpton told crowds gathered in Washington, "Obama has been ridin' dirty ever since we first met at a crack house ten years ago." Prominent black community leader Jesse Jackson echoed those thoughts, saying Obama likes to "get down and dirty with his hoes."
Senator Biden, an underdog presidential contender, was forced to use his TV appearances for explaining himself instead of campaigning. On Wednesday night, he was grilled even by the Daily Show's Jon Stewart, who asked him whether his original comments implied that he felt safe around Obama and would be fine with having him as a neighbor. "Absolutely not," the Senator immediately shot back, "Mr. Obama is a dirty jigaboo and I wouldn't let my kids within a hundred feet of the guy."
Earlier in the day Biden appeared on CNN to explain what he had meant to say in the first place. "Using the word 'clean' was simply a slip of the tongue - nothing more," he assured bearded anchor Wolf Blitzer, adding, "The word I intended to say was 'mean'. He's a really mean guy you know - really evil." Callers into the network nevertheless expressed a 75% disapproval for the Senator.
Late-breaking reports indicate Biden might have gotten himself into even more trouble late Thursday when discussing some of his other opponents. Apparently in an impromptu speech he described candidate Hillary Clinton, a pioneering female presidential contender, as "an intelligent woman." After gasps from the audience he reportedly quickly backtracked and affirmed that he really considers her "just a dumb cunt."