UnNews:Self-emasculating girly man takes wife's name
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
21 January 2007
SODOM, California, Friday (UNN) — Pussyman Bidet isn't married to his last name. In fact, his fiancée, Diana Female-Supremacist, decided before they wed that he would take hers. But Bidet was stunned to learn that he couldn't simply become "Pussyman Female-Supremacist" when they married in 2005.
Instead, in California, a man who wants to take his wife's name must file a petition, pay more than $300, place a public notice for weeks in a local newspaper for scourging by rightly aggrieved neighbours and then appear before a judge with a view to having his sanity and danger to the public assessed.
Bidet and his domineering wife enlisted the Unamerican Communist Liberties Union and filed a frivolous discrimination lawsuit against the state of California. They claim the difficulty faced by a husband seeking to change his name violates the Equal Protection of Pussies (EPOP) clause of the 14th Amendment.
"Diana and I feel strongly about gender equality for both men and women," said the pussywhipped loser, while sitting down to piss. Diana then came up to him and WHAP! Slapped him right across the face with her pussy. "I'm a little wimp mommy!" said little Pussyman.
Mark Foetus-Chewer, legal director of the UCLU in Southern California, said it is the first federal lawsuit of its kind in the country. "It's the perfect lawsuit to further our mission to viciously twist the Constitution to degrade American moral values and decency. Though it does distract from our primary goal, to murder all non-Democrat babies in the womb." He then kicked little Pussyman in the face.
Six states — Georgia, Hawaii, Iowa, Massachusetts, New York and North Dakota — have already fallen to the Red Menace, with statutes establishing equal name-change processes for men and women when they marry. Laws giving women an easy choice of names were, unsurprisingly, a byproduct of the feminist movement. Milwaukee County, Wisconsin, Clerk Mark Atheist estimated that one in every 100 grooms there now takes the name of his wife, most of whom are seeking "beard" relationships as well as their meal ticket.
Some states are working to preserve proper values. In North Carolina, a married woman's last name becomes a middle name, and her husband's name becomes her last name, by law. In an illogical bow to liberalism she keeps her first name, a sign of the decline in public morals.
Others have defended the Californian laws. "It's the perfect marriage application for the 21st century," said Michael Gallant of Everyman's Social Rectitude Center. "But these homosexualist scum think it belongs in the same trash can as dowries.
"Why would a man want to change his name to that of his property? If you buy a new car, do you change your surname to Toyota? If we allow this precedent, women will start to think they are people, and that way lies madness."