UnNews:Seductive Space Boob attacks Earth
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Seductive Space Boob attacks Earth
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, September 4, 2015, 23:12:UTC)(
20 March 2008
OUTER SPACE — In a deal with Microsoft, the seductive space boob is giving free sucking while Microsoft mines the world's resources. "We believe that if the people are happy, we can do anything we want. We just have to get them away from the boob long enough to remind them that we own Earth. Then again, they probably already know that."
The seductive space boob, created by Zeus, is large enough for houses to be built on it. Unfortunately, that is not planned, as Microsoft does not have enough money to patrol the seductive space boob with its paramilitary police, the stormtroopers.
Many Earth residents are preparing for the return (Chuck Norris brought it with him to Earth once), and Microsoft is encouraging wives to stay at home in anger, so that they do not notice them stealing Earth's resources.
Unfortunately, there is some anger "Damned idiots! We can't let Microsoft extend its evil empire!" says the pope. Shortly after, he was shot dead by a stormtrooper. Microsoft was forced to publicly deny that they were evil, and the American government decided to take them in as presidential advisers (the old ones were not cool enough.) Most fathers, already concerned about how many STDs they are spreading, are delighted to be able to show their sons the pleasures of boob-sucking.
"And no. We are not evil, and we most certainly will not steal your planet from you!" Shortly after, the reporter's soul was sold to Satan on the black market
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|