UnNews:Second Invasion of Vietnam foiled by common sense
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Second Invasion of Vietnam foiled by common sense
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, August 19, 2017, 21:04:UTC)(
8 March 2008
Cardboard Tube, Vietnam-- Frustrated US Officials were seen storming out of the Pentagon today after their top-secret secondary invasion of Vietnam was foiled by today's ban of the sale or ownership of pet hamsters in Vietnam by the Vietnamese government.
"We've been planning this final invasion for over 30 years-" lamented General Wobblebottom, "we couldn't just let charlie win. Multiple wargames in the basement of the Pentagon and watching the 'Trouble with Tribbles' episode of Star Trek revealed that flooding the country with cute little hamsters was our only hope of victory. Now, we're going to have to admit that not only are the Vietnamese people not prone to hamster sodomy, but that they won the war as well. They also make a fine cup of coffee. Why are we so mad at them anyway? This is bullshit!"
Documents which have become declassified as officials are presently out on the lawn of the pentagon tearing medals from their lapels and hurling them at the earth in disgust have revealed that this is actually the second time that covert hamsters have been used against the Vietnamese. The first time was an airstrike by a "clusterball", or a transparent hamster ball filled with several hamsters that could fly in any direction upon impact, but have since been phased out as the USA has come under increased pressure to stop killing people who don't deserve it unless they are probably fairly bad in some way according to FOX news.
The mass-hamster cull is expected to shatter the hopes and dreams of all of the world's children, while simultaneously celebrated by many crack-smokers around the world as the first true step towards everlasting world peace.
Boo had no comment at this time, but was last seen going "for the eyes".