UnNews:Scuba Football League tryouts
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Scuba Football League tryouts
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, December 3, 2016, 02:34:UTC)(
23 July 2007
PRESCOTT, Arizona. The Scuba Football League held tryouts over the weekend at Retard Stadium. 50 men from universities across the country ran drills, performed calisthenics, and demonstrated offensive and defensive techniques in an attempt to win a spot in the SFL. Women were too smart to participate.
"We've never had a turnout quite like this." said the Prescott Peabrains Defensive Coordinator, Michael Cooperdink. "Look at the calibre of athletes we have on the field today! The only reason these men are here is talent, talent, talent!"
Wendell Mahooty, 39, seemed a bit nervous during the 40 yard dash. "It's the first time I've ever used my Scubapro Twin Jet fins and I'm a little nervous. Fortunately they float."
Tryouts began at the crack of noon. Hopefuls signed in, received a name badge & regulator, had a brief orientation meeting with scouts, and then it was off to the field for a good swim. After a brief prayer led by the Reverend Victor Dinkman, players stretched and ran windsprints. Scrimmage matches soon followed, then calisthenics, and finally the Trudgeon Crawl.
Six cuts were made. Potential Wideout Tim Fricker was cut after the fourth round. Tim remarked "The snorkel hurdles is what got me. That and emergency descents has never been my forte. I'll practice hard with my personal coach/llama and try again next year. It's in my blood to be a member of the SFL. I think."