UnNews:Scotland could possibly go to war with UK in event of independence
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Scotland could possibly go to war with UK in event of independence
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 1, 2016, 05:46:UTC)(
28 February 2014
EDINBURGH, Northern Britain. In an exclusive report, UnNews correspondent Robert Piston explains why Scotland and England could go to war if the uppity Sco... Alex Salmond and the Scottish National Socialists get their way.
This is doubtless news that Alex Salmond and the "Yes" campaign don't want to hear. The British Defence Ministry have stated that they have "made preparations in the event of constitutional change, including Scottish independence". A source who I couldn't possibly name tells me that this would mean the British army, which some would argue has protected the ancient British nation since its birth during the time of King Arthur, will be split in two.
So what would this mean, two "British armies" sharing the same island, or "indivisible country" as some might call it? Well, a source I have spoken to tells me that there's no guarantee that this wouldn't mean that Scotland and the United Kingdom wouldn't go to war. I chatted to a couple of experts on constitutional and military affairs at Cambridge University and their message was very clear: war is something it is entirely possible for two armies who share a common border to engage in. There is no guarantee at all that we would not see a Scottish-UK war in the event of Scotland divorcing itself some the United Kingdom. This will be a terrible blow to the "Yes" campaign.
So what would this mean, if Scotland and the United Kingdom go to war, as would be all too possible in the event of a "Yes" vote? Well, another source tells me there would be horrific death, massive loss of life, huge expense for both sides. I asked David Cameron, the Prime Minister, how he would feel about Alex Salmond going to war with England and he told me "It would be horrific, we want Alex Salmond to stay". A newer source I spoke to tells me that Scotland would probably be defeated and forcibly incorporated into the United Kingdom in the manner of Wales meaning goodbye to the separate Scottish legal and education system which has been so generously retained.
So, ind... separation for Scotland would mean that it could end up costing the Scotch massive loss of life, income and any sovereignty they currently have. A source tells me that many Scotchmen are already preparing to flee the country come a "Yes" vote in fear of their lives! Maybe.
In the coming months, Alex Salmond has a lot of difficult questions to answer now that these disturbing possibilities are in play. It's very clear now that a Scotland-UK war is a real threat. How will he explain that he wants to encourage the Scotch people to create a situation, through the divorce from the United Kingdom, where the horrors of war are all too possible.
We spoke to a Scottish Government spokesman about these shocking claims but he just said "Och aye the noo?"
Have Your Say On This Story (Editor's picks below)
"Ha ha, so now we see that the Scotch want a war with England!!1 Isn't giving them all our Oil enough already?!" - Tom4CommonSense | Votes: +569
"Well done Robert Pistons for revealing what Salmond and the Scotch really want!!1 THey sohuld know their place and not try and leave a Great Union for petty childish flag-waving reasons!" - ProudBritOUTOFEUSSRNOW! | Votes +999
"Have any of you read the Defence Ministry's actual statement? There's nothing about hostility, let alone a war. They're just making sensible contingency plans in the event of Scottish independence for the division of the armed forces. I thought UnNews was supposed to be neutral. What should have raised an interesting, informed debate has been shamelessly spun one way by UnNews and reduced to a stupid slagging match in these comments." - WeeTam | Votes: -7754
"I am gaint Scotch separateytion but ivv it happens I will gladddly go to war with the tartann bastards they acll communistss" - Sir Rumpton-Bumpton Jr | Votes +459
"@WeeTam SHUT UP! You just can't handle the truth that this story reveals! When your fellow Scotch vote "No" in September what will u do! Cry into your tartan kilt whilst eating a fried shortbread with a ginger beard! As a Scot, I am proud to live in a PEACEFUL Britain without wars!" - Percy Fotheringay-Smythe | Votes + 258
"The scotch have always been traitors when I was in glasgow they would not support england in the football even though I said I was happy to support scotland in the football even though they are shit I blame the europeussr for this it is always making people think they can be independent like whats happening in syria and ukraine" - adamandevenotadamandsteve | Votes +775